The Empty Stocking Mom
December 2023
Have you seen the video going around about a mom on Christmas with an empty stocking? The dad pans across the living room to showcase all of the amazing gifts for everyone in the family, even the dog. But last he lands on the mom, sitting there with a bare stocking. The mom sitting empty handed had purchased all of the wonderful things for everyone else in order to make their holiday sparkle. As the dad is laughing in the video, mom seems to be taking it all in stride but if you look closely you can see the sadness, the mask she wears once again for the sake of her family. I imagine part of what has made this video so popular is that it’s unfortunately relatable for us Empty Stocking Moms out there. Apparently this is a thing. So sad.
I remember very clearly my Empty Stocking Mom Christmas because honestly I don’t think I was ever the same. Like the viral video everyone in our family had stockings bursting with great and thoughtful things I purchased and selected with love. My stocking on the other hand only had my share of the bagged candy we divided up between us, that I also purchased. On Christmas morning as we groggily entered the living room to assess our bounty, my husband started laughing hysterically. I looked over at the stockings only to see my sad limp empty stocking next to 3 overfilled, beautifully curated masterpieces. OK maybe I’m being dramatic but the fact is he didn’t think to put a single thing in my stocking and seemingly enjoyed the stark distinction.
There’s nothing funny about humiliating your partner. There’s nothing funny about devaluing the person you pledged to have and to hold until death do you part. There’s nothing funny about being an Empty Stocking Mom and as for me I made sure it never happened again.
But I need to be real with you. That Christmas shook me to my core. I stayed in bed for days and didn’t get dressed or shower. I cried like I had never cried before and believe me I’ve cried my share of tears. I questioned everything I had done in my life to get to this place. Was this it? Was this my life now? I had the house, the husband, the career, and the 2 kids. What’s left, years and years of holidays like this feeling overlooked and unworthy of consideration? My faith had been a shaky one up until this point but as they say sometimes it’s those rock bottom moments that send you to your knees. For the first time in a long time I asked God to help me find a way through this and find more to life. Let me tell you God did not disappoint.
After a riveting “suck it up” speech from my husband, life moved on, as it does. The following spring I received an unexpected email about a fellowship program in my field of study. I applied and was accepted! I was so excited about this fully paid for opportunity that would open doors for my career. At the very same time I was hand selected for a new position that was a stepping stone for a cutting edge program that would be opening. God was starting a new trajectory for me that would forever alter my life. So 3 years and 2 degrees later I became the first director of an autism program in my school district. I opened that program from scratch, picked out the furniture, hired and trained the staff, and even planted the flowers out front. I was worthy after all and not at all overlooked and forgettable as I thought I was on that Empty Stocking Mom Christmas.
Over the next several Christmases I bought some pretty awesome stocking stuffers for myself and my family. And as the years go on my daughters make sure my stocking is never empty. But my Empty Stocking Mom Christmas changed everything. It turns out that there’s always more to life. It’s just that sometimes you have to find a way to fill your own stocking and trust God with the rest.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11